if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
