on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
