im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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