WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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