Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont even know how to be here
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
