Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize