you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My cat gives me a boner
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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