Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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