ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
