I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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