I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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