Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
