We named our party play list daddy issues
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
