When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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