so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
