I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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