You can't motorboat a personality
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
