My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
