I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
