I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
