I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
