addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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