I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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