Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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