Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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