dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
