High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
