she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
