obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
