after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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