whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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