so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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