yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think i have two assholes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
