it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
