So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
