I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
