sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
