this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
