I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
