please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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