Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
