The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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