Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
