Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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