I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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