do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
