hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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