She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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