I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
