just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
